This Is What All Pros in Influence and Persuasion Do.

To reall excel in your attempts to influence and persuade others you really need to do one vital thing.

You really need to ask yourself a couple of question. The answers to these 2 simple questions will lay the foundation for your plan of attack or stategy in your influence or persuasion situation.

These questions are

1. What do I want to have happen?
2. How will I know when it has?

Honestly, these are the two very simple, yet very powerful questions.

Ask yourself these before you stat thinking about the persuasion tools and tactics you will be using. With these questions answered you can then start to build up a plan. You can begin to manipulate the situation and you can feel more in control of what you are actually looking to achieve.

A second advantage is that if you have a goal in mind and you keep focused on it. You subconscious mind will start to work towards it. Little opportunities may start to present them selves, ideas will pop into your head, people will come into your life, it's amazing but true, it really does work.

That's all for me today, have a great one,

Jason D
Total Influence And Persuasion

Wouldn't You Like To Know What They Really Think?

Article: Wouldn't You Like To Know What They Really Think?

Today I kick off the first in a series of Influence and Persuasion articles that can be used in a number of situations but are especially effective in an office environment. They are designed to give you a little bit of an extra edge when you want to influence or persuade someone in many situations that are common across every office world.

Setting The Scene

I'm sure you've been in a situation before when you put forward an idea or proposal and you're just not too sure if the people or person you are talking to really like it. This can be used when presenting ideas to your peers or your boss but is really effective if you are the boss and want some feedback from your reports.

People don't always feel comfortable criticising the boss so they don't speak up and you miss out on some potentially valuable feedback. This short series of questions will sort this right out.

Underlying Concept

The concept behind it is simple. You get the person to agree that they like your idea. The word like is key here. The word like says that they think it's good BUT that it could be better. In essence you are using language to influence them into telling you what they really think.

Example 1

You: ...so do you like about that idea as a possible solution to...
Them: I like it, it sound fine to me.
You: Good, well what would it take for it to be even better?

They have admitted that they like the idea. You have asked what would make it even better. This does two things. First is allows you accept that it is good but also admit that there may be room for improvement. Second, it allow them to feel comfortable giving you some extra feedback.

Example 2

You: Do you like the document I've produced to....?
Them: Yes, it's good, I like it.
You: Just for my curiosity, what would you have added to the document? (or how would you have done it differently?)

In example two she may well be telling the truth and really think the document is great; however you have elegantly opened up a chance to allow her to give you some feedback without feeling uncomfortable. Remember you asked for the feedback so don't then go on the defensive if it's not what you want to hear!

So in a nutshell: Ask them for some feedback, let the person respond, then ask in some way how it could be even better.

Cheers for now,

Jason D
Total Influence And Persuasion

The "What If" approach to Influence & Persuasion

Hi there,

Since I've started to write about influence and persuasion a funny thing has happened. I've started to have a radar like sense for picking up situations where people (mainly sales people I have to admit but sometimes even my girlfriend!) are using persuasive or inflencial language.

One good example was a telephone call I received the other day. I went a little something like this:-

Sales Man (I young guy, sounded like he was about 16 and was reading straight from a script): Hi is that Mr Wallace
Me: No there isn't a Mr Wallace lives here, there is a Miss Wallace (my girlfriend)
SM: Are you the home owner?
Me: Yes
SM: And your name would be? (first use of clever language.

By using the phrase "and your name would be" he isn't really asking me outright from my name he is kind of saying if "I were to ask you what your name is what would you tell me". This makes it easier for me to accept than someone simply asking - "what is your name?" Direct questions like that run the risk of me asking "who needs to know". We are also conditioned not to give out our names to strangers and also some people just don't like direct questions.

Me: (playing along now to see how this unfolds): I'm Mr Davidson
SM: Hello Mr Davidson I'm calling from Company XYZ (can't remember the name of the company) to let you know that we are running a great competition in your area just now. Lucky winners win a money off voucher. To enter the competition all you need to do is answer one sort question. "If you were to win the money off voucher to redecorate one of the rooms in your house which room would it be most likely to be, the kitchen or the bedroom?"

There it was, the "If you were to..." question. This is such a powerful question because it isn't actually asking you which room you want to decorate, it's asking you a hypothetical question. This immediately lowers you barriers and allow that persuasive statement right through.

Your mind simply thinks "it's only a possibility" so there is no harm in answering. I'm not actually going to do anything. However to answer the question you must actually think about the kitchen and the bedroom and think about what you would do to it if you could redecorate it. This process makes you think about what is not quite right with the bedroom or kitchen and then you start to picture the possible improvements, the seed has been planted. All this and it is just a hypothetical question "If you were to...".

You see you mind cannot tell the difference between positive and negative statements. It's a bit like saying "Don't think of a blue kangaroo" you have to think of one, not to think of one.

Me: I guess the bedroom.
SM: Ok, thanks for your time. Someone will be in touch with you if you win, good luck Mr Davidson.

I've got a funny feeling that the my luck could be in tonight...with the voucher that is :-) I'll keep you updated...

Jason D

Total Influence and Persuasion

A Groovy Way To Say “No”

Hi Everyone,

I read this article from the blog of a guy called Joseph Plazo. He had an excellent blog, see below for a link, which is well worth a visit.

I thought it was relevant because often in when we talk about persuasion and influence we get drawn into thinking that we are trying to get others to agree to something that we want them to do or think. However it is just as important for us to be able to combat against others who use persuasion and influence techniques against us. One of the most common is the Law of Reciprocation (you scratch my back I'll scratch your for short) it is very powerful and we need to recognise when it is being used and combat against it. The post for Joseph's post is a great example of how elegantly and eloquently say no, particularly when someone is using the law of reciprocation against you. Enjoy.

Jason D.

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Refusals are rarely easy to convey. It helps when you are clear in your own mind that you do truly want to say “no”; any ambivalence undermines your authority. A very good motive for saying “no” is simply “I don’t want to.” When you have a precise basis for saying no and desire to name it, do so. Nonetheless, the fact that someone else wants you to do something bestow no obligation on you to secure your decision.

Convey a letter of refusal when giving a negative reply to invitations: personal/business; proposals; requests; propositions; wedding invitations. The following composes a list of best practices for refusal.

1. Appreciate the person for the offer.

2. Affirm your “no,” articulate your regret at having to do so. If fitting, elucidate your position.

3. Finish with a pleasant desire to be of more assistance next time, to accomodate the person again. Shun lengthy, involved justification and apologies; they are far from convincing, even if true.

4. Eschew phrases like “you may think,” “according to you,” “you claim.” Restate the person’s appeal, grievance, or angry letter in an impassive, factual manner.

5. Never attribute your rejection to someone else’s actions (“my spouse doesn’t care for . ,) except in the incidental way that, for illustration, a prior rendezvous prevents you from accomplishing something.

6. Evade outright deceit. It is too easy to be trapped , and you will be a lot more relaxed with yourself and with the other person the next time you meet if you stick to the truth.

Bear in mind the following tips when writing a refusal letter:

1. Begin your rejection with a “thank you,” if appropriate: “Thank you for your invitation, request, proposition, offer.”

2. Relish tact. Minimize reflecting on the person you’re writing to or on their request. Condition your refusal in terms of some inability on your part such as will be flying out,” or simply “will be unable to attend”.

3. At all times keep your reply even-tempered and impassive.

4. When possible, minimize the proponent’s disenchantment: Offer to help at a later period; propose someone else who might be able to provide the same aid; apologize for your inability to endorse the request; show some advantage to them from your rejection, then appreciate them for their interest/request/concern.

5. Keep in mind that small things as shuffling the order of your phrases can soften the rejection. You might opt to give the reason for your refusal before actually stating the refusal.

Warmly,Joseph Plazo

Written by joseph on ://www.xtrememind.com/blog/2006/11/21/">November 21st, 2006 with no comments.Read more articles on How-To's and egory/communications/">Communications.

The Four Fs Part 1 - Discover The Secret of The 4 Fs And How They Are Behind EVERTHING We Do.

Some time ago I read the brilliant book by the Richard Broodie (The guy who we can thank for the invention of Microsoft Word incidentally) called Virus of the Mind.

This book is a fascinating read and mainly covers the concept of Meme's (I'll talk more about meme's in a later post because they are key to understanding Influence and Persuasion).

However also in the book he talks about how our are genes dictate everything that we do at an instinctual level often referred to as our primitive behaviour.

Over the years the genes that have been successful in surviving i.e. being passed on to a new human carrier are those that cause their human carrier (or any other animal for that matter) to carry out certain actions, attitude and behaviours.

For example you might be able to imagine that millions of years ago there would have been a massive pool of genes. These gene genetically hard code certain instincts into those animals carrying the genes.

Now lets say for example that a certain gene didn't have a built in fear of heights. This it could be likely that people without this 'fear of heights' characteristic would over time be more likely to fall of cliffs. If they kept falling of cliffs the they would be less likely to reproduce, because they would be dead! and therefore there would be less likely to pass on their genes to the next generation.

Over time (a long time) genes that had a built in fear of heights would become more prominent because these gene are more likely not die by falling off a cliff and therefore more likely to reproduce an be passed on through the generations.

Now this could be why today most of us have a health fear of heights. Over time only genes that have this 'fear of flights' characteristic have survived.

However the four f's are the main characteristics of genes that have got us to where we are today, and have may be the reason that a lot of social problems exist today.

However we as students of the art of Influence and Persuasion can multiply our effectiveness if we know and use them at every opportunity, but in Influencing others and in detecting if we are being underhandedly influenced or persuaded by others.

In part two of this post I'll outline exactly what the 4 f's are.

Until then thanks for reading,

Jason D.

P.S. If you're interested in disovering more about memes and want to read Richard Brodies bestselling book 'Virus Of the Mind - The New Science Of The Meme' then follow this link to Amazon.com or this link to Amazon.co.uk.

How To Effortlessly Get The Best Table In The Restaurant Each And Every Time

It can really make or break an evening out if you have a great seat in a restaurant. This short but powerfully request will almost always influence the maitre d' in any restaurant to ensure you one of the best seats in the house.

When calling simple ask in a polite, confident manor; "I'd like the most romantic table you have because we're celebrating tonight, what can you do for me?"

This technique is persuasive on a number of levels. Everyone loves a celebration and if you can help make that celebration even more special then they will go out of their way to help you.

On another level of persuasion. You have also made a specific request and you have embedded the work "because" into the sentence. Because is a very powerful word. Most people react to the word because in a very specific way. By using the work because you have given them a reason for your request and they are much less likely to question it and much more likely to influence them into complying with your request.

So there we have it, combine a direct request, a reason and a celebration into one extra persuasive sentence and you'll be well on your way to securing the best table in the house.

Jason D

If you are interested in discovering more short soundbite sentences that you can use in every day situations, then I recommend the fantastic book by copyright expert Ted Nicholas. In this book he reveals 17 magic words that can make you a fortune and easily improve your influencing ability in a host of everyday situations, it's fascinating reading from beginning to end.

http://tinyurl.com/sogr9