Friday, November 24, 2006

A Groovy Way To Say “No”

Hi Everyone,

I read this article from the blog of a guy called Joseph Plazo. He had an excellent blog, see below for a link, which is well worth a visit.

I thought it was relevant because often in when we talk about persuasion and influence we get drawn into thinking that we are trying to get others to agree to something that we want them to do or think. However it is just as important for us to be able to combat against others who use persuasion and influence techniques against us. One of the most common is the Law of Reciprocation (you scratch my back I'll scratch your for short) it is very powerful and we need to recognise when it is being used and combat against it. The post for Joseph's post is a great example of how elegantly and eloquently say no, particularly when someone is using the law of reciprocation against you. Enjoy.

Jason D.


Refusals are rarely easy to convey. It helps when you are clear in your own mind that you do truly want to say “no”; any ambivalence undermines your authority. A very good motive for saying “no” is simply “I don’t want to.” When you have a precise basis for saying no and desire to name it, do so. Nonetheless, the fact that someone else wants you to do something bestow no obligation on you to secure your decision.

Convey a letter of refusal when giving a negative reply to invitations: personal/business; proposals; requests; propositions; wedding invitations. The following composes a list of best practices for refusal.

1. Appreciate the person for the offer.

2. Affirm your “no,” articulate your regret at having to do so. If fitting, elucidate your position.

3. Finish with a pleasant desire to be of more assistance next time, to accomodate the person again. Shun lengthy, involved justification and apologies; they are far from convincing, even if true.

4. Eschew phrases like “you may think,” “according to you,” “you claim.” Restate the person’s appeal, grievance, or angry letter in an impassive, factual manner.

5. Never attribute your rejection to someone else’s actions (“my spouse doesn’t care for . ,) except in the incidental way that, for illustration, a prior rendezvous prevents you from accomplishing something.

6. Evade outright deceit. It is too easy to be trapped , and you will be a lot more relaxed with yourself and with the other person the next time you meet if you stick to the truth.

Bear in mind the following tips when writing a refusal letter:

1. Begin your rejection with a “thank you,” if appropriate: “Thank you for your invitation, request, proposition, offer.”

2. Relish tact. Minimize reflecting on the person you’re writing to or on their request. Condition your refusal in terms of some inability on your part such as will be flying out,” or simply “will be unable to attend”.

3. At all times keep your reply even-tempered and impassive.

4. When possible, minimize the proponent’s disenchantment: Offer to help at a later period; propose someone else who might be able to provide the same aid; apologize for your inability to endorse the request; show some advantage to them from your rejection, then appreciate them for their interest/request/concern.

5. Keep in mind that small things as shuffling the order of your phrases can soften the rejection. You might opt to give the reason for your refusal before actually stating the refusal.

Warmly,Joseph Plazo

Written by joseph on ://">November 21st, 2006 with no comments.Read more articles on How-To's and egory/communications/">Communications.

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